In this post, I will discuss some do’s and dont’s when talking to kids about death.

No matter what age you are death is never easy to deal with. Yes, we know that it is part of life, but it is a part of life most of us would rather not think about.

How to Talk to a Child About Death

Talking to children about death can feel tricky because we are afraid we will say the wrong thing or we have trouble coming up with the right words.

Make it an Every Day Conversation

First, you need to explain what death is. If you have the luxury, start talking to your children about death today, Explain that everything living will one day die. Talk about the life cycle of plants, insects, animals as well as humans. Having this conversation in your daily life is a way to teach about death without the connection to a personal loss.

Be Open & Honest

Present the facts and only offer details if they are asked. Answer questions honestly. Being open and honest helps prevent children’s minds from imagining their own details. Use concrete words like “died” instead of “passed away”. For young children, be sure to be clear about the permanence of death (ie. you won’t see him at school anymore, or he won’t be coming home anymore).

For example, you may say, “Xyz was in a very bad car accident this morning. The doctors tried everything they could to make him better but his injuries were too bad. They couldn’t fix him and he died.”

It’s Okay to Feel All the Emotions

Let your child know that it is okay to be sad and angry. Let your child know what you are feeling too. Remind your child that they can ask you questions and talk about how they are feeling anytime. Also, children typically have a roller coaster of emotions when it comes to death. One minute they are sad or angry and the next minute they seem completely unaffected. This is perfectly normal.

Your Child May Worry About Death

In the case of another child dying, your child may begin to worry about death. Remind him that he is safe. Most children his age don’t die and live to be grandparents. Tell him that is why we do things like go to the doctor, wear seatbelts, follow safety rules, etc so we can live a long life.

Your child may also worry about you dying. If he does, tell him that “you plan on living a long time.” Avoid saying that it won’t happen to you. Unfortunately, life give us no guarantees. Remind him of all the things you do to stay healthy and safe.

Give Your Child Time

He will most likely have more emotions to process through over the upcoming days and months. Don’t be surprised if your child is a little off for a bit.

If you or a loved one is struggling with grief reach out today, I can help you process your emotions and move forward in your grief journey.