How to Be a Good Mom When You Have Anxiety
Being a mother is already challenging in and of itself, and for mothers with anxiety, it can be especially challenging to maintain a healthy and happy household.
The good news is you're already capable of this because you're already a good mom. Managing motherhood anxiety isn't about learning how to be a better mother - it's about taking better care of yourself and identifying the anxiety-driven obstacles getting in the way of motherhood.
This post will discuss practical tips and strategies for being a good mother, even when grappling with anxiety. Together, we'll explore how you can enjoy moments with your children despite your struggles — all while overcoming your motherhood anxiety and improving your mental well-being.
My Child Gives Me Anxiety…What Should I Do?
As a mom, worrying about your children's well-being and future is natural. It's normal to doubt whether you're doing the right thing, disciplining the right way, or being the "right" role model.
But when anxiety begins to show up in every moment, causing you to question every little thing you say or do and triggering fears, worries, and stress, it can contribute to unnecessary obstacles in your journey through motherhood.
If your persistent worries or thoughts interfere with your ability to make the most of motherhood, the following tips will help you navigate your anxiety to be the best mom you can be.
Understand How Anxiety Affects Your Parenting
For many parents, anxiety is a fact of life. But when anxiety starts to affect your parenting, it's important to understand the symptoms and how to manage them.
While anxiety can manifest in many ways, some common symptoms include being easily irritable or short-tempered, having difficulty concentrating, and feeling keyed up or restless.
When anxiety starts to affect your parenting, one of the most common symptoms is constant worry or stress about things beyond your control. You may find yourself overthinking everything you do as a parent, second-guessing yourself constantly, or feeling like you're never doing enough.
You may be overly protective or worried about your child's safety if you have motherhood anxiety. This can cause you to avoid certain situations or activities, leading to missed opportunities for growth, joy, and connection.
No matter how anxiety shows up in your life, it can make it difficult to enjoy time with your family and feel confident in your parenting abilities.
Learn to Recognize Spiraling Anxious Thoughts
If you're one of the many mothers with anxiety (or think you might be), you know how difficult it can be to keep everything together. But the thing is, motherhood anxiety is so cleverly disguised as everything we know motherhood to be — exhaustion, fatigue, fear, overwhelm. It can be hard to realize when anxiety is behind the reason you feel like you're constantly on the verge of a breakdown.
So, as you continue trying to understand the impact of anxiety in your life, it's important to start paying attention to your thoughts, recognizing when they're beginning to spiral.
Here are some common situations that may trigger spiraling thoughts that contribute to your anxiety:
Overwhelming responsibilities: When moms feel they have too many responsibilities, it can lead to stress and anxiety. For example, managing work, household chores, childcare — well, you get the picture because you live in it.
Guilt and self-doubt: Many mothers with anxiety feel guilty about not being able to spend enough time with their children or feel like they are not doing a good job as a parent. These feelings can lead to self-doubt and negative thoughts, which, in turn, can cause moms to distance themselves further on an emotional and mental level.
Comparison with others: Comparing yourself to other moms can also trigger spiraling thoughts. Seeing other moms on social media who appear to have it all together can make you feel like you are not doing enough, leading to negative thoughts that prevent you from feeling confident in your motherhood role.
Pay attention to your emotions and physical sensations to recognize when your thoughts are spiraling. If you notice feelings of fear, worry, or panic, take a moment to pause and take some deep breaths. If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk or catastrophizing, try to reframe your thoughts and focus on more positive outcomes.
Set Boundaries for Yourself
Setting boundaries means deciding what's important for you and your family and sticking to them. It helps to establish limits around your time, energy, and emotions, so you can prioritize your needs and reduce overwhelming feelings.
Setting boundaries could mean turning off your phone during family time or taking some alone time when you feel overwhelmed. It can also mean creating a routine or schedule that allocates time for work, childcare, household chores, and self-care activities to compartmentalize your priorities and avoid stretching yourself thin.
Anxiety can take over and affect your parenting when you don't set boundaries. Setting boundaries creates a safe and calm environment for you and your family.
Focus on Self-Care
Self-care is essential for anyone, including mothers with anxiety. Taking care of yourself through self-care practices is not just a luxury but a necessity. Juggling multiple responsibilities can be overwhelming, but prioritizing your physical and mental health can help you care for your children better.
One of the most critical aspects of self-care is getting enough sleep. When you're sleep-deprived, your emotions run rampant, making it harder to regulate them. This, in turn, leads to increased anxiety, mood swings, and irritability.
On the other hand, getting adequate sleep can significantly improve your mood, boost your energy levels, and reduce anxiety symptoms. Aim for 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night by creating a relaxing bedtime routine to help you unwind and drift off.
In addition to getting enough sleep, other self-care practices, such as exercise, mindfulness, and social support, can help manage anxiety symptoms.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it's essential to being a good parent and partner. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation and prioritize your well-being alongside your responsibilities. Doing so can help you feel calmer, more centered, and better equipped to handle life's ups and downs.
Set Reasonable Expectations for Yourself as a Mom
As mothers, we want to provide our children with the best possible upbringing, but that can often lead to unrealistic expectations of ourselves. Trying to be perfect will only lead to more anxiety and stress.
Setting reasonable expectations for yourself as a mother can significantly reduce anxiety and help you become a better caregiver to your children. It's crucial to understand that you can't do it all, and that's okay.
To set reasonable expectations for yourself:
Don't try to do everything at once. Prioritize one thing at a time.
Break down your to-do lists and goals into manageable steps.
Don't beat yourself up if you don't get everything done – pick up where you left off the next day.
Practice Being Present
When you have mom anxiety, it can be difficult to be present for your children, which is precisely why mindfulness is one of the best practices you can develop as a mom.
Here are some tips for practicing mindfulness for motherhood anxiety so that you can be the best mom possible for yourself and your kids:
Find quiet moments: While it may be challenging to find extended periods of quiet time, you can look for small moments throughout the day for meditation or breathing techniques. For example, you can take a few deep breaths while waiting for your children to finish an activity or while they're occupied with a toy or game.
Be mindful of your body: At any point throughout the day - but especially when you're feeling tense or stressed - pause and see if you can pinpoint where tension shows up in your body. Is it your shoulders? Your jaw? Try to relax these muscles by focusing on these areas as you take a few deep breaths. This will help your body relax and release some of your anxiety-induced tension.
Take breaks: It's important to recharge and reset throughout the day. Even a short walk around the block or a few moments of quiet time can help you feel refreshed and more focused.
Above all, know that mindfulness can be practiced anytime, as presence doesn't require quiet or stillness. You can practice mindfulness while playing with your children by fully immersing yourself in the activity and focusing on the present moment.
Develop Supportive Relationships
Motherhood is a beautiful journey, but it can also be a daunting one. It is normal to experience anxiety, and it is important to remember that you are not alone.
Connecting with other moms with similar struggles can positively impact your mental health and well-being. You can share experiences and advice, offer support, and find solace in the fact that you are not the only one going through this.
Being a good mom is not about being perfect; it's about being there for your children when they need you the most. By connecting with other moms who have gone through similar struggles, you can find the strength and determination to be the best version of yourself for your children.
Not only are you not alone — you don't have to manage this alone, either. If you try these tips but continue to struggle with managing your motherhood anxiety, it might be time to seek professional help.
As a mother and therapist in Texas who specializes in working with moms, I offer practical, compassionate, and unrelenting support — so don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.
