How To Identify & Manage High-Functioning Anxiety in Motherhood

From the minute your eyes open every morning, you can't help but worry if all of the tiny details, from breakfast schedules to school projects and after-school activities, are taken care of. A nagging doubt follows almost every step, convincing you that no measure of effort is ever enough. On top of it all, you often feel guilty for your anxiety-ridden thoughts in ways that make it seem like any feeling other than "fine" is unacceptable.

Being a mom is undoubtedly one of the most important and rewarding jobs in the world, but it can also be challenging. For those dealing with high-functioning anxiety, the challenge can become compounded. 

If you're the type of mom who wants nothing more than to give her children the very best yet are no stranger to racing thoughts and a nonstop mind even when trying to take a moment for yourself - you know all too well what high-functioning anxiety in motherhood feels like.

If this sounds familiar, don't worry. This blog seeks to provide some relief by providing practical strategies for managing high-functioning anxiety as a mom so you can regain control over your life and feel confident about your parenting journey.

What is High Functioning Anxiety?

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health problem in the United States, affecting 40 million adults. And while anxiety can manifest itself in different ways, high-functioning anxiety is a unique form of the disorder that isn't always easy to spot.

So, what is high-functioning anxiety? Essentially, it's a type of anxiety that allows sufferers to maintain their day-to-day lives and responsibilities, despite feeling chronically stressed and anxious. 

Not only are high-functioning anxious individuals well-accomplished at work or in their personal lives, but many tend to go over the top. Those who know one might describe them as high-achieving, organized, and driven.

For many people with high-functioning anxiety, their symptoms may not be obvious to others. While they may desire reassurance, this doesn't necessarily manifest as asking for help. After all, those with high-functioning anxiety prefer to portray themselves as fine, often exhibiting positive traits like being outgoing, active, loyal, proactive, and helpful.

One of the most common places high-functioning anxiety shows up is in motherhood. And while all moms deal with some level of stress and worry, mothers with high-functioning anxiety often feel like they're constantly on edge. They may fear disappointing their spouse or children, so they never fall short on their motherly duties or even dream of missing a soccer match.

What Causes High-Functioning Anxiety?

High-functioning anxiety can have numerous possible causes. A family history of anxiety may increase the risk of developing this condition due to a genetic predisposition. Being exposed to negative or stressful life events such as the loss of a loved one or divorce increases the likelihood of developing high-functioning anxiety too.

Certain physical health conditions like thyroid issues may make one more susceptible to experiencing this kind of psychological distress. Substance or alcohol use is often used as a way for individuals to cope with the symptoms associated with this type of anxiety, which further perpetuates its effects.

Additionally, timidness during childhood can indicate other underlying traits that later manifest into this mental health issue.

It is important to remain mindful of these contributing factors when diagnosing and treating high-functioning anxiety, though this is by no means a comprehensive list. 

What High-Functioning Anxiety Looks like as a Mom

In motherhood, high-functioning anxiety can manifest in many ways. For some mothers, it may look like always being on the go and never taking a break. Others may appear super organized and have everything under control, but they're just trying to keep their anxiety at bay. Some mothers may even seem perfect, but perfectionism is often a mask for deep insecurity and fear of losing control.

The following are possible signs and struggles you might exhibit if you have high-functioning anxiety:

-You're a "people pleaser" (you fear letting others down or pushing them away)

-You prioritize maintaining appearances 

-You frequently need reassurance

-You convince yourself that nothing is wrong (you're just orderly or proactive; you're a "busy bee")

-You talk a lot (i.e., nervous chatter)

-You have nervous habits (such as playing with your hair or biting your nails)

-In relationships, you're loyal to a fault

-You're always busy because you're unable to say "no."

-You overthink, and your mind races

-Other people perceive you as "difficult to read" (unemotional and cold)

-You show up too early to work or appointments and lose valuable time

-You alternate between long periods of procrastination and game-time work

-You dwell on the negative and past mistakes (you have "what if?" thoughts)

-You compare yourself to others

-You struggle to fall asleep, or you wake up early and stay awake

-You're mentally and physically fatigued

The Hidden Struggles of

High-Functioning Anxiety

It's not always easy to tell when someone is struggling with anxiety. On the surface, they may seem like they have everything together. They're successful in their careers, great at caring for their families, and always seem to be put together. But what you don't see is the constant battle that's going on inside their heads.

High-functioning anxiety can be extremely debilitating. Even if you can accomplish all of the essential tasks in your life, your anxiety can limit you in other ways. It can dictate your actions and choices and make it difficult to enjoy the things you used to love. For instance, you might choose to do things because they ease your anxiety and not because you might enjoy them.

Finally, because your true feelings and struggles don't align with the persona you present to the world, you likely don't plan to reveal them any time soon. In other words, you feel like you can't ask for help, so you continue suppressing your innermost feelings. But just because those around you do not consider you someone who "needs help" doesn't make it so.

How to Manage

High-Functioning Anxiety

It's not just fearing the opinions of others that can keep someone from seeking help for high-functioning anxiety. Sometimes, one believes they just aren't good at handling stress. Others who have not yet sought help may recognize the positive influence of anxiety on their life and aren't ready to give that up.

However, it's important to recognize how damaging the inner turmoil of anxiety can be if it persists. To many mothers, it almost feels like an unspoken secret - the persistent worries and anxiousness, even when life is going relatively smoothly. It manifests in unpredictable ways: sleeplessness, irritability, and a constant undercurrent of stress that seem to permeate all aspects of life. That said, it isn't hard to see how constantly being busy and anxious can trigger these symptoms that may worsen over time.

Managing high-functioning anxiety is difficult enough without motherhood in the mix. You might feel like you're not doing enough or not good enough. The good news is: no matter how overwhelming or helpless it feels today, there is hope! There are a few things that you can do to help manage your anxiety.

Examine your lifestyle and identify room for changes

Take a look at your daily habits and see where you might make positive changes or improvements. For example, limiting your caffeine or sugar intake may be necessary if you're already struggling to fall asleep.

Practice good sleep hygiene

Try to create a nighttime routine and stick to it as much as possible. This means not just a consistent bedtime but creating a sleep-inducing environment with relaxing activities and limits on screen time.

Learn ways to cope with your anxiety and nervous habits

Pay attention to any nervous habits, as they signify that your anxiety needs to be addressed more healthily. Practice stress management and relaxation techniques for anxiety, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and progressive muscle relaxation, as these can help manage and release tension.

You can also try out competing responses for nervous habits. These are actions that help address and avoid your nervous habit, such as grasping objects when you notice you are about to pull or play with your hair or chewing gum to stop you from chewing your nails.

Explore your thought patterns and practice rephrasing them

Whenever you catch yourself saying things like "What if I forget to bring snacks to school and make a fool of myself?" or "I know this birthday I'm planning won't be as good as the other classmate's parties," try countering these negative predictions with helpful thoughts. Remind yourself that you always do your best; no matter what happens, it won't be the end of the world.

Therapy for Moms with

High-Functioning Anxiety

Being a mom with high-functioning anxiety can be overwhelming. You mustn't underestimate how your mental health can impact your physical well-being, everyday life, and ability to sustain being the best mom you want to be.

But the good news is help is available: therapy can be a great way to get support and find effective strategies to manage high-functioning anxiety symptoms. Not only will talking to a therapist provide an objective perspective on the issues you're facing, but they can also give guidance on strategies and coping tools that may help you reduce stress levels, improve overall well-being, and better navigate difficult situations.

With the right support and treatment plan in place, there's no reason why moms with high-functioning anxiety should own worry or fear in their daily lives.

If you’re in Texas and you want specialized support with motherhood anxiety, I’d love to help. Schedule a free consultation today to learn more about how I can help you reset your standards and find more joy.