Why Social Media Makes Moms Anxious (And What To Do About It)
As moms, we all love a little social media escape, don't we? Whether it's a quick scroll through Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok, these platforms allow us to connect, relax, and find helpful resources when we need them most.
But let's be real: social media can be a double-edged sword. Sure, it's easy access to our mom tribe, where we share laughs, gather mommy tips, and showcase our kiddos' cuteness. But lurking in the shadows are the anxiety triggers – comparing ourselves, losing touch with the littles, mom-shaming moments, and that illusion of deep connection.
In this post, we're going to tackle why social media sometimes adds to our anxiety as moms and learn how to use it more healthily.
Social Media Realities for Moms: Navigating the Ups and Downs
While social media is like a virtual mom squad, it's also a sneak peek into what seems like a perfect mom universe – clean houses, angelic kids, and gourmet meals. Reality check: our lives are far from that. It's not always Insta-worthy, and that's okay.
The catch? Social media can crank up the stress-o-meter for moms. FOMO is real, and the pressure to keep up with every post can feel like a full-time job. Suddenly, we're comparing our messy reality to someone else's highlight reel, and that's a recipe for stress and anxiety.
Too much scrolling, too many 'perfect' moments, and bam! Burnout central. So, here's the deal: we've got to dial it back, become more mindful, set some social media boundaries, and be real about what's healthy for us–because staying connected is great, but not at the expense of our sanity. It's time for a social media reality check, mom-style.
Social Media Leads to Greater Levels of Social Comparison
We've all been there - scrolling through Instagram or Facebook only to feel worse about ourselves afterward. Social media facilitates social comparison, where we compare our lives and parenting abilities to the carefully curated images we see online.
The thing is, we're only seeing the highlight reels of other people's lives. There aren't as many moms out there willing and ready to post their fails, messes, or tantrums online as much as they are their successes. So when we compare ourselves to these perfect snapshots, it's no wonder we feel inadequate or anxious.
Here are some examples of how social comparison crops up on social media and impacts moms:
- Comparing our kids' milestones or development. Seeing a baby starting to walk at ten months while ours is still crawling can make us worry something is "wrong."
- Feeling like we don't do enough activities or crafts with our kids. Seeing another mom's Pinterest-worthy playroom can send us down a rabbit hole of self-doubt.
- Judging and questioning our parenting choices. When we see a mom using a parenting style we don't, it's easy to second guess ourselves.
The problem is, when we get caught up in comparison, it directly affects our self-esteem and mood. Studies show social comparison is linked to higher levels of depression and anxiety. It also triggers our fight-or-flight response, releasing cortisol and adrenaline. Over time, this takes a major toll on our mental health.
The key is to remember that what we see online is just a fraction of someone's life - the poses, the filters, the laughs without the screams. Here are some tips to avoid mommy comparison:
- Unfollow accounts that portray perfection or evoke envy because seeing a highlight reel of someone else's life will only make you feel inadequate about your real life with all its challenges.
- Focus on sharing your real life rather than a fake "perfect" version to normalize authenticity and minimize comparison.
- Look inward instead of outward by comparing yourself to your past self, not others. Reflect on your growth and celebrate your progress.
Social Media Decreases Present-Mindedness & Engagement with Your Kid
As mothers, being fully present and engaged with our children is so important, yet our phones make this incredibly challenging.
In the hustle of motherhood, our phones and social media can inadvertently steal precious moments with our children. A quick scroll might mean missing out on a toddler's dance or a child's curious question, signaling unintended messages of unimportance. This can understandably spark anxiety and self-doubt in our kids.
Constant notifications disrupt the natural flow, affecting our interactions and heightening anxiety. Even brief distractions can leave children feeling discouraged and acting out for attention, leading to frustration on both ends.
Breaking this cycle involves mindful social media use and setting boundaries, ensuring we're present for those important, fleeting moments that matter most. Here are some tips to stay engaged:
- Set limits on social media and overall phone use, such as no phones during mealtimes or playtime.
- Give your child some full, undivided attention each day without distractions.
- Practice being present in the moment when with your kids rather than letting your mind wander. Notice details and tune into their emotional state.
- Minimize multi-tasking and compartmentalize time on your phone versus time with your kids.
- Model mindful tech habits by limiting your use and narrating when you choose to put your phone away.
- Use apps or features to restrict constant notifications that draw you back to social media.
Being truly engaged with our kids strengthens our bond and their development. While social media has benefits, we need to set firm boundaries so it doesn't interfere with our mental health or precious family time. Our children's sense of security, emotional growth, and well-being depend on it.
Social Media for Moms Can Bring About Shame Rather Than Support
Beyond just comparing ourselves to others, social media can also lead to outright shaming of our parenting choices and skills. So-called "mommy wars" play out online, with parents criticizing each other over things like breastfeeding, sleep training, discipline, education, activities, and more. Even anonymous forums like Reddit have subs devoted to making fun of "crunchy moms" versus those using formula.
When we already feel insecure, this virtual judgment is the last thing we need. The cortisol and adrenaline release sparked by online shaming induce real anxiety. Our heart races and palms sweat - even if the criticism comes from strangers online. What we really need is less judgment and more social support. Some ideas:
- Seek out social media communities focused on encouragement rather than advice because supportive spaces foster connection, while judgemental ones, even when well-intentioned, can induce shame and self-doubt.
- Compliment and praise other moms' parenting wins when their posts evoke envy in you. Flip the script from comparison to celebration.
- Share your funny parenting mishaps to normalize that we all struggle sometimes. This builds connection and combats judgment.
Social Media for Moms Can Encourage Negative Thinking and Comparison
Finally, social media's downside is that it amplifies our negative thinking. When we browse our feeds, it's natural to focus on the positives others are sharing that we feel we're lacking - a tropical vacation when we're still local, a new house when we're crammed into a tiny apartment. What we often overlook are the good things right in front of us.
This tendency to see what we don't have rather than appreciate what we do fosters anxious thoughts and comparisons. It often leads to overthinking and feelings of not measuring up. The constant influx of information and images only compounds these effects.
To counteract this:
- Actively build gratitude by sharing three daily things you're grateful for on social media or privately journaling.
- Limit social media browsing to designated times to reduce anxiety-provoking input.
- Challenge negative thoughts when they crop up and reframe them more positively.
Navigating Mom Anxiety in the Social Media Era: A Path to Imperfectly Wonderful Well-Being
Social media is a mixed bag for moms. Sure, it's a virtual playground of benefits, but it also throws some sneaky anxiety traps our way. From the comparison game to losing touch with our little ones, not to mention the not-so-friendly neighborhood of mom-shaming, social media can mess with our mental health.
But here's the scoop: armed with some knowledge about its pitfalls and a mindset makeover, we can flip the script. It's all about using social media intentionally. When those doubts creep in, maybe it's time for a digital detox – log off and give your kiddos your full attention. Trust me, they notice, and it's a game-changer for both of you!
If mom anxiety is doing a number on you, don't sweat it. I'm a counselor in Texas who specializes in working with moms struggling with anxiety, and I've got your back. Picture this: personalized support and guidance tailored just for you. Because, let's face it, we're all imperfectly wonderful, and sometimes, a little therapy goes a long way. Contact me at Imperfectly Wonderful Counseling today.
