Do You Have to Love Motherhood 24/7, Like on TV?
Let's face it: those flawless, always-smiling TV moms who whip up gourmet breakfasts and handle tantrums with a smile can make anyone's day-to-day struggles with kids seem… less than stellar.
But here's a candid scoop — behind every "perfect mom" on screen, there's a director yelling "Cut!" and a nanny or two off-camera. So, really, how much of this televised motherhood is realistic, and how much is pure fantasy?
In this blog, we'll bust the myth of relentlessly happy moms, understand why it's okay not to be one, explore things to consider and what might worsen your dissatisfaction, and learn ways to find more joy in parenthood.
The Reality Behind the Camera
What if I told you that the mother who seems to have it all together has, at some point in the day, just bounced back from a wave of anger, frustration, or sadness? The truth is that real life is edited out in these picture-perfect snapshots taken in the aftermath of the continuous mess that is mom life.
It's hard not to feel pressured when TV shows and social feeds bombard us with images of moms who seem always to enjoy motherhood. Meanwhile, our state of frustration heightens exponentially.
It's not just the media; sometimes, the well-intentioned "When I was your age..." stories from previous generations or own parents can paint an intimidating picture. But remember, they might have forgotten the less glamorous details of being parents themselves!
Is it Normal to Not Enjoy Being a Mom?
The media and society often depict motherhood as a journey filled with constant rewarding moments. And while there are plenty of rewarding moments, the happy mom images flashed before us tend to diminish the complex and sometimes less-than-thrilling reality of parenting.
My point is it's completely normal to have days where you don't enjoy being a mom. It's normal for parents to not always feel happy. You will have days where you wish you were spending time doing anything else. From craving more quiet time and sleep at night to wanting to forget and flat-out leave it all behind—the endless to-do list, the worry, and everything you know about raising a child. This doesn't make you a bad mom—it makes you human.
It's important to remember that what you see on TV or online from other parents often represents a highly edited version of family and reality. Comparing yourself to these portrayals can set unrealistic expectations that make you feel guilty over not having fun and loving every minute with your child.
Understanding the curated version of mom life can help alleviate some of that pressure to be the happiest mom in the world.
I Feel so Overwhelmed; Can Parenthood Really Be an Enjoyable Experience?
Motherhood can be messy and incredibly tiring, and yes, sometimes it's not very enjoyable.
Some days, you might find parenthood the most amazing experience in the world. On other days, you may catch yourself hiding in the bathroom—not just to take an enjoyable moment but to panic or cry alone. Every mom has been there—feeling overwhelmed, missing her old life, and experiencing this rollercoaster of emotions that is part of the parenting journey.
It's crucial to give yourself grace and understand that it's okay to feel a wide range of emotions, including not enjoying every aspect of motherhood. By embracing the full spectrum of motherhood emotions and experiences, you can better manage expectations and cultivate a healthier, more realistic perspective on parenting.
When you can honestly say motherhood feels less than enjoyable for you, it opens the door to seeking support without guilt, embracing the challenges, and ultimately finding more enjoyment and fulfillment in parenting.
How Do I Enjoy Motherhood More?
Enjoying motherhood doesn't mean loving every moment of life. It means embracing the ups and downs of raising kids, feeling the frustration, stress, and everything in between, and finding ways to make it work for you.
Here are some tips to get started:
Spending time for yourself
It's okay to step away from family and parenting duties and take some time for yourself. This can help recharge your batteries and give you a fresh perspective when returning.
Connect with other moms
Building a support network of other moms who understand motherhood's challenges can be incredibly helpful. They can provide a listening ear, share tips and advice, and offer much-needed empathy.
Celebrate the small victories
Motherhood is full of milestones in life, big and small. Take time to slow down and appreciate the little wins, whether it's your child finally sleeping through the night or you getting more sleep yourself. These moments can help you find enjoyment in the journey.
Be honest with yourself
Acknowledge that motherhood is challenging, and it's okay to struggle. Don't put pressure on yourself to be perfect. Don't feel bad if you're not a mom who's always having fun or loves motherhood 24/7.
Be honest with others
While we're on the topic of curated mom life, it could prove beneficial to start being more honest with others, too. Whether it's following an online account of like-minded mothers or starting your own, such as on Instagram or TikTok, you can inspire yourself and other moms to keep their heads up by sharing your real stories— because that's where the true beauty of motherhood lies.
Managing Mental Health (Especially if You're Not Enjoying Motherhood)
Motherhood can bring immense happiness, but it's crucial to prioritize mental health to fully enjoy the journey. Burnout is just one example of a significant strain on a mom's mental health if not managed with care. It's what can happen due to stress, and if you don't prioritize yourself and your mental health; it can also be exacerbated by mom guilt—such as guilt associated with putting yourself first or believing it's not okay not to be happy all the time.
Recognizing the signs of burnout is crucial, as the relentless demands of parenting can also sometimes lead to what is known as Depleted Mother Syndrome (DMS).
DMS is characterized by overwhelming exhaustion, emotional detachment from motherhood, and a loss of self-identity, leaving many moms feeling like they are just going through the motions.
Recognizing and Responding to Burnout
Mothers often experience burnout due to pressure to be the perfect parent. It's not just about living up to the idealized images we see on social media or TV, but also feeling like you must always be happy.
This continuous pursuit can lead to feelings of stress, inadequateness, and guilt. Acknowledging these feelings and understanding that they are a common experience, not a personal failure, is important.
Signs of Burnout:
Persistent tiredness or exhaustion that doesn't improve with rest.
Detachment or indifference towards parenting.
Irritability or heightened sensitivity to minor annoyances.
Reduced satisfaction in motherhood and other areas of life.
Strategies for Prevention and Recovery
To combat these challenges and manage stress, consider the following strategies:
Establish support systems
Lean on family, friends, or other parents for emotional support and practical help. Sharing responsibilities and experiences can offer hope and significantly lighten your emotional load when you feel overwhelmed.
Prioritize self-care
Make time for activities that rejuvenate your spirit and body. Whether it's a hobby, exercise, or simply a quiet evening with a book, taking care of your needs is not selfish—it's necessary.
Seek professional help
If parenthood or burnout becomes overwhelming, talking to a therapist or counselor can provide valuable support and strategies for managing stress and rediscovering joy in parenting.
Maintain open communication
Discuss your experiences and challenges with your partner or support network. Talking about your struggles to friends and loved ones can help mitigate feelings of isolation and build stronger, more supportive relationships.
Utilize flexible coping strategies
Simple things like establishing a morning or evening routine can surprisingly bring a lot of peace. And on particularly chaotic days, sometimes letting go of that to-do list and playing a game instead can dramatically change the mood around the house.
Pursue personal interests
It's vital to maintain aspects of your identity that are independent of your role as a mother. Continue to explore personal interests and goals to sustain a balanced sense of self.
Remember, being a mother is a profound part of your life, but it does not solely define who you are. Embracing this mindset is key to maintaining your well-being and enjoying the journey of parenthood.
Finding Joy in Imperfection
Lastly, as a therapist and mom of five, embracing imperfection is my secret to reducing stress and loving motherhood more. Through the years, I have found that part of easing the pressures of motherhood includes accepting that imperfection is not only inevitable but also an integral part of the journey.
Those little imperfections—like the missed exit on your family road trip or the time you all tried to play hooky but had a disastrous day off—can become cherished memories down the road.
As mothers, we often strive for perfection, but it's important to remember that perfection is unattainable and can be a significant source of stress. Instead, we must try to find joy and laughter in the small and not-so-perfect moments.
Here are some tips to help you find joy in imperfection as a mother:
Let go of expectations
It's easy to get caught up in what motherhood should be like. Let go of your expectations and what most parents do and focus on creating your unique experience with your child.
Don't compare yourself to others
Social media and societal expectations can make it easy for a mother to feel inadequate. Unfollow social accounts that always seem to leave you feeling uneasy. Maybe it's also time to take a break from the cheesy sitcoms or anything else that may trigger you. Remember that every family is different—every mom is different—and what works for one may not work for another.
Accept help
You don't have to put a smile on and fake it 'till you make it. Whether you're consistently feeling unhappy with motherhood or having a less-than-thrilling day, it's okay to ask for help and accept it when offered. From mental health support to physical day-to-day tasks, learning to ask for and receive help can relieve some pressure to do everything perfectly and allow you to enjoy the little moments more.
Practice self-compassion
Be kind to yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself when things aren't going swimmingly or according to plan. Breathe through your emotions and the frustrating, chaotic days. Remember that you are a human being doing the best you can; you are a good mom, and that's enough.
Find humor in the chaos
Sometimes, the most chaotic moments can become the funniest memories. Try to find humor in the chaos of motherhood; it can make those imperfect moments a little more fun and enjoyable.
Focus on the present
Instead of worrying about what you should have done differently or what you need to do next, focus on the present moment with your child and family. It's in these moments that joy can be found.
Practice gratitude
Take a moment each day to reflect on what you are grateful for as a mother. This can help shift your perspective away from stress and become a happier parent.
By acknowledging the complexity of emotions that come with motherhood and implementing these strategies, mothers can create a healthier, more fulfilling parenting experience.
Embracing the Real Journey of Motherhood
Wrapping it up, let's toss the notion of a perfect, always-happy mom out with the stinky diaper trash. Motherhood is not about perfection. It's not something we have to love 24/7, but we can find ways to love it most days.
So next time you see a TV mom effortlessly managing everything, laugh it off and remember, the real moms are the ones who admit it's tough and show up anyway.
Support for Moms in Texas
If the weight of motherhood feels overwhelming or if you're seeking a space where your feelings and experiences can be heard and validated, I'm here for you—both virtually and in person.
Through therapy for moms in Texas, I offer a compassionate, understanding, and supportive environment where we can explore the complexities of motherhood together.
Whether you're navigating the highs and lows, longing for a sense of community, or simply needing a moment to breathe and be heard, don't hesitate to reach out. Together, we can find the joy, the balance, and the peace you deserve on this incredible journey.
